After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
