Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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