I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
