My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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