There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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