So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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