i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
