gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
