well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
handjob tips. give me some.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
