i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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