Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
