This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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