I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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