Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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