Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
