I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
