He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
