he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
