So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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