Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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