she woke up with a sticky ear
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
