I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
