I faked an abortion last night.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
