Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i barfeds in our rink
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
