She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
