okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
