I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
