Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The uberlube is also flammable
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
