that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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