it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
