I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
