I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
