im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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