Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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