It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
