your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
