do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
