and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
