OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
