Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
