I just made out with a guy for $7.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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