This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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