I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
