How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
This house was built for laser tag.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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