and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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