Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Please, let me fuck your mom
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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