There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
