I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
