I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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