I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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